from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
Randomize
