there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
Randomize
