You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
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