Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
