drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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