you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
Randomize
