this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
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