Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
