like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
