we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
