Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
Go christen that room with your naked body.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Randomize
