he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
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