So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
