I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Randomize
