he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
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