he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Randomize
