You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
I think I sprained my soul last night
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
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