genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
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