And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
