your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Randomize
