Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Randomize