then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
