Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Randomize
