He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
