I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
