I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
Randomize
