I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize