I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
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