I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
I have tasted many bathrooms
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Randomize
