i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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