I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
Randomize
