Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Randomize
