In the future we'll all be gay
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
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