she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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