She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
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