Who wears a wallet chain?!
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
We're too hungover to prance.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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