loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
Randomize
