At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
