i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
