I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
