So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
