Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Randomize
