Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
Actions speak louder than pants.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
Randomize
