Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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