My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
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