Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Randomize
