Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
Randomize
