alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
i dont even know how to be here
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
