FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
