So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
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