First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Randomize
