I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
Randomize
