My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
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