Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
