There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
I'm bleeding and have questions
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
Randomize
