That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
