Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
Randomize