i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
