i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
Randomize
