I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
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