I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
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