I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Randomize
