I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Randomize
