Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
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