What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Randomize
