Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
