Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
