I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
Princesses don't give blow jobs
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
Randomize
