Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
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