I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
Randomize
