Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
