Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
not ubering you a puppy
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
