Well douche your snatch and let's go!
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Randomize
