I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
Randomize
