I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
Randomize
