I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
Randomize
