i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
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