my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
The best revenge is premature balding
I got her a Nickelback box set.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
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