time to smoke my breakfast
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
Randomize
