I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
Randomize
