arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
Hippo gnu deer
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
Randomize
