Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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