I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
