Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
too bad you live with your parents still
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
