You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
Little spoons don't ask big questions
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Randomize
