You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
Randomize
