you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Randomize