Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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