I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
I woke up under a house in Key West
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