my being single is dangerous.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
Vodka?
Forever.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize
