My ? Is...... Would it be sweet or creepy to take a girl on a first date to chigago?
creepy.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Randomize
