Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
