Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
