Please, let me fuck your mom
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Randomize
