You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
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