hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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